OK, so I know you're all dying to know how I manged during the Thanksgiving weekend and the results are... well... um... damn it.
I woke up on Thursday morning and gave myself my official starting off point for this Greatest Challenge Ever:
Thursday morning weight- 200 pounds even. Perfect. Nice round number.
The actual gorge-fest known as Thanksgiving Day was not that bad. I sure as hell didn't count calories because I don't know anyone who has that much free time. On MyFitnessPal have to input most homemade things ingredient by ingredient. I don't know if you've ever broken down your basic casserole dish before but it's a long, long list of things that I really don't want to know about. I just want to taste the rainbow of deliciousness and move the *bleep* on. And I did. I made a big ol' plate full of everything I could get my hands on and it was freaking awesome and it felt great. Sure I probably crossed the 1500-calorie barrier, but that's OK because from Thursday night into the wee hours of Friday morning yours truly was shopping up a storm.
Oh and how we shopped! The wife and I did it all, Toys R Us, WalMart, and of course the mall. I can't imagine we burned a lot of calories walking around, but the energy it took just to keep my ass up and awake for nearly 24 consecutive hours must have counted for something right?
Friday morning weight- 201.4 pounds. Not bad. I can totally manage this.
After a rousing 3 hour nap/sleep on Friday we got up and believe it or not went back shopping again. Then we went home and started hanging Christmas decorations. Again... not exactly running a marathon but dragging my butt around on practically no sleep has to be burning calories somehow.
Saturday morning weight- 198.6. Woot! I win! I am going to kick this challenge in the nuts!
The next couple days were relaxing. Putting up the rest of the decorations, doing laundry, watching football and eating a normal amount of food.
Monday morning weight- 201.4. Huh?
No big deal, because now I'm back at school and running around chasing 5th Graders. And as all teachers know, it's way easier to stay on a diet at school because you're so busy. I'll dip back under 200 pounds in a couple days
Thursday morning weight- 201.4. Well shit.
So to recap... I made it through Thanksgiving just fine... but the week after Thanksgiving has been my downfall despite the fact that I haven't gone off the diet.
Welcome to the holidays... this is going to be harder then I thought.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Greatest Challenge Ever!
OK blog fans... it's Game On! We are 1 day away from the World Series of Eating known as Thanksgiving Day. Turkeys are defrosting, desserts are being baked, and those of us on diets are crapping our pants.
I've been sweating this day for a while now, but then I realized that I was awesome and I stopped worrying. True story. No really. Need proof? Gaze at my hairy legs (and feet) and the scale beneath them!
That's right people, I officially cracked the 200 pound barrier last week and have officially reached my goal weight well ahead of schedule. Back in February I was north of 250 and wanted to reach 200 by Christmas. Well I kicked those first 50+ pounds square in the nuts and now it's time for Phase II. I have decided to launch myself head-first into the most ridiculous, crazy, insane challenge ever concocted by a fat man.
I am challenging myself to lose weight over the holidays. Boom!
The rules are simple, I will weigh myself on Thanksgiving morning and again when I return home from Christmas break in New Hampshire (January 2nd). The goal is to show an overall weight loss during the "Holiday Season", generally regarded as the hardest thing to do in the universe. Can it be done? Is the artist-formally-known-as-a-FatMan up to the challenge? To be honest I don't know, but if I pull this off a celebration will definitely ensue.
So how about you? Do you think you're up to the challenge? Drop me a line on Facebook or here on this blog if you want to join up. Let's all take this Holiday Season head-on, kick it in the teeth and start the New Year a little smaller than we currently are.
I've been sweating this day for a while now, but then I realized that I was awesome and I stopped worrying. True story. No really. Need proof? Gaze at my hairy legs (and feet) and the scale beneath them!
I am challenging myself to lose weight over the holidays. Boom!
The rules are simple, I will weigh myself on Thanksgiving morning and again when I return home from Christmas break in New Hampshire (January 2nd). The goal is to show an overall weight loss during the "Holiday Season", generally regarded as the hardest thing to do in the universe. Can it be done? Is the artist-formally-known-as-a-FatMan up to the challenge? To be honest I don't know, but if I pull this off a celebration will definitely ensue.
So how about you? Do you think you're up to the challenge? Drop me a line on Facebook or here on this blog if you want to join up. Let's all take this Holiday Season head-on, kick it in the teeth and start the New Year a little smaller than we currently are.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Ho Ho Holy Crap This Is Hard
Ah it's that most wonderful time of the year. My favorite time of the year without question. Soon, turkeys will be cooking, families will be gathering, and shoppers will be beating the crap out of each other over $3 bath towels (the wife and I actually saw that happen last year). Once that all happens, it will officially be The Holiday Season, that magical, special time when I can listen to Christmas music, decorate the house to a bizarre degree, and indulge in all of those delicious treats that come around this time of year.
Oh wait... I can't do that last one... scratch it off the list. And shoot me in the face while you're at it.
The lead up to Thanksgiving this year has been a mix of high expectations and crushing realizations. For instance, I can't wait to watch the Macy's parade. It is an absolute staple for me every year and I never miss it. However, a little piece of me died when I realized I wouldn't be eating my just-as-traditional pumpkin nut bread and cranberry nut bread while the parade was going on. With a thick spread of cream cheese on each moist slice. Whoops... another piece of me just died.
I am blessed to be celebrating Thanksgiving with my wife's family this year. An intimate get-together of somewhere around 40-50 people. I'm doubly blessed to be the one tasked with cooking 2 20-pound turkeys. I can think of no higher honor on a day like this. For someone who has honed his turkey-cooking craft to the point of perfection, this is like my Super Bowl. And Alton Brown is my own personal Bill Belichek.
Now as you might expect, the turkey will be the centerpiece of the festivities but my wife's family is a casserole-loving family. They have this stuff down to a science and their science is freakin delicious. But (you know there was a but coming didn't you?) as you might expect, casseroles are funny things. One does not simply ask what ingredients were used to create your casserole. Partly because the ingredient list is longer than the Macy's parade, and partly because there's a really good chance you don't want to know.
This, for the dieting man, presents a rather large problem.
Every time I imagine myself cooking not 1 but 2 perfect turkeys while my extended family rejoices, with tears of joy streaming down their faces... I get beyond giddy. Minutes later when I imagine all the casseroles, desserts, breads and stuffing that I won't be eating.... I start to feel like Charlie Brown kicking that damn football.
I'm inching ever closer to the 200 pound barrier folks... but I am dragging myself toward this finish line and it ain't pretty. And I haven't even thought about Christmas cookies yet.
Whoops... another piece of me just died.
Oh wait... I can't do that last one... scratch it off the list. And shoot me in the face while you're at it.
The lead up to Thanksgiving this year has been a mix of high expectations and crushing realizations. For instance, I can't wait to watch the Macy's parade. It is an absolute staple for me every year and I never miss it. However, a little piece of me died when I realized I wouldn't be eating my just-as-traditional pumpkin nut bread and cranberry nut bread while the parade was going on. With a thick spread of cream cheese on each moist slice. Whoops... another piece of me just died.
I am blessed to be celebrating Thanksgiving with my wife's family this year. An intimate get-together of somewhere around 40-50 people. I'm doubly blessed to be the one tasked with cooking 2 20-pound turkeys. I can think of no higher honor on a day like this. For someone who has honed his turkey-cooking craft to the point of perfection, this is like my Super Bowl. And Alton Brown is my own personal Bill Belichek.
Now as you might expect, the turkey will be the centerpiece of the festivities but my wife's family is a casserole-loving family. They have this stuff down to a science and their science is freakin delicious. But (you know there was a but coming didn't you?) as you might expect, casseroles are funny things. One does not simply ask what ingredients were used to create your casserole. Partly because the ingredient list is longer than the Macy's parade, and partly because there's a really good chance you don't want to know.
This, for the dieting man, presents a rather large problem.
Every time I imagine myself cooking not 1 but 2 perfect turkeys while my extended family rejoices, with tears of joy streaming down their faces... I get beyond giddy. Minutes later when I imagine all the casseroles, desserts, breads and stuffing that I won't be eating.... I start to feel like Charlie Brown kicking that damn football.
I'm inching ever closer to the 200 pound barrier folks... but I am dragging myself toward this finish line and it ain't pretty. And I haven't even thought about Christmas cookies yet.
Whoops... another piece of me just died.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Halloween Thoughts
Halloween on a diet sucks deep fried donkey balls.
Watching your children devour little pieces of candy is a torture worse than waterboarding.
If it wasn't for my pumpkin spice coffee creamer, there'd be big trouble in River City.
Next hurdle to overcome: Thanksgiving.
Shoot me in the damn face with a bazooka.
Watching your children devour little pieces of candy is a torture worse than waterboarding.
If it wasn't for my pumpkin spice coffee creamer, there'd be big trouble in River City.
Next hurdle to overcome: Thanksgiving.
Shoot me in the damn face with a bazooka.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Boldly Going
Captains Log: Stardate 4815162342
My fat-ass and I have been continuing our never ending mission to explore uncharted areas of dieting. To reach out to foods that won't make me blow up like a balloon. To boldly go where this FatMan has never gone before.
I am happy to report that over the course of our trek we have bypassed the 2XL planets, skimmed beyond the XL galaxy and recently entered the L-system... where I had visited only once before. A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I once ventured deep into the L-system during a period known as "engagement" which eventually led to a brief layover on the planet Vegas. Ah, Vegas... I remember it well but that is a story for another entry into the log.
Anyway... once "engagement" turned to "marriage" I started drifting from the L-system and soon found it impossible to return. I meandered the universe stopping off briefly at places like the Buffett constellation, the Burger Belt and the rarely discussed doughnut-rings of Jupiter.
Now finally I have returned to where I had been so many many years ago and I am happy to report that we are nearing an undiscovered country. The locals here call it the "200-Pound Barrier". I am told that many wonders await me on the other side of that barrier, and if I close my eyes and think hard enough... I feel as though I've been there before. Many, many moons ago.
I look forward to filling my log with the stories of all the exciting things that await me on the other side. Wish me luck.
Rode out.
My fat-ass and I have been continuing our never ending mission to explore uncharted areas of dieting. To reach out to foods that won't make me blow up like a balloon. To boldly go where this FatMan has never gone before.
I am happy to report that over the course of our trek we have bypassed the 2XL planets, skimmed beyond the XL galaxy and recently entered the L-system... where I had visited only once before. A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I once ventured deep into the L-system during a period known as "engagement" which eventually led to a brief layover on the planet Vegas. Ah, Vegas... I remember it well but that is a story for another entry into the log.
Anyway... once "engagement" turned to "marriage" I started drifting from the L-system and soon found it impossible to return. I meandered the universe stopping off briefly at places like the Buffett constellation, the Burger Belt and the rarely discussed doughnut-rings of Jupiter.
Now finally I have returned to where I had been so many many years ago and I am happy to report that we are nearing an undiscovered country. The locals here call it the "200-Pound Barrier". I am told that many wonders await me on the other side of that barrier, and if I close my eyes and think hard enough... I feel as though I've been there before. Many, many moons ago.
I look forward to filling my log with the stories of all the exciting things that await me on the other side. Wish me luck.
Rode out.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Quick Hits
Since it's been a while since my last post, and I don't have anything major to say I thought I'd give you lovely readers a couple of quick thoughts that nicely sum up the last few weeks:
* Eating dinner at McDonalds and staying under your calorie goal for the day should be an Olympic event. As I sadly slumped out of the restaurant, it would have been nice to hear some applause... the National Anthem playing in the background... maybe a German and a Canadian on either side of me.
*Since this whole thing began back in February I've now lost 44 pounds. That is the equivalent of my 6-year old son. I have lost a 6-year old... and I still have to lose my 4-year old daughter to reach goal weight. Crapsticks!
*Today during our teacher duty day a local church brought in some breakfast. I deftly maneuvered around the danish. I danced gracefully past the almond ring. I slid silently past the bagels. The banana nut muffin however kicked me right in the nuts while I wasn't looking. I was powerless to stop it. Thankfully the muffin rang up at only 200 calories so I think I'm OK.
*Also during my duty day I had a meeting with some administrators who brought a box of Dunkin Donuts. There I was eating my guilt-riddled banana nut muffin, and a box of light, fluffy Dunkin Donuts was mere feet from me. I couldn't even look at the box because if there happened to be a maple-glazed donut in there, I might have exploded like Pacino at the end of Scarface. I'm a fragile man folks.
* Eating dinner at McDonalds and staying under your calorie goal for the day should be an Olympic event. As I sadly slumped out of the restaurant, it would have been nice to hear some applause... the National Anthem playing in the background... maybe a German and a Canadian on either side of me.
*Since this whole thing began back in February I've now lost 44 pounds. That is the equivalent of my 6-year old son. I have lost a 6-year old... and I still have to lose my 4-year old daughter to reach goal weight. Crapsticks!
*Today during our teacher duty day a local church brought in some breakfast. I deftly maneuvered around the danish. I danced gracefully past the almond ring. I slid silently past the bagels. The banana nut muffin however kicked me right in the nuts while I wasn't looking. I was powerless to stop it. Thankfully the muffin rang up at only 200 calories so I think I'm OK.
*Also during my duty day I had a meeting with some administrators who brought a box of Dunkin Donuts. There I was eating my guilt-riddled banana nut muffin, and a box of light, fluffy Dunkin Donuts was mere feet from me. I couldn't even look at the box because if there happened to be a maple-glazed donut in there, I might have exploded like Pacino at the end of Scarface. I'm a fragile man folks.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
The Great Salad Myth
Our new Sunday routine involves Church with the extended family, followed by lunch somewhere. Since I've started this Death Diet, eating out has become about as enjoyable as proctology exams. I'm surrounded by people eating all the fun stuff while I order rabbit food and a side order of suffering. Today we decided on Jason's Deli which I've long been a fan of because they have a kick-ass salad bar. Yes, despite my penchant for deep-fried goodness, I'm a sucker for a good salad bar.
Today I realized why this is not a good thing.
I started off with lettuce, which is standard operating procedure and very low cal. A few grape tomatoes and onions and we're off to a good start. This is where things went sideways quickly. I instinctively reach for the shredded cheese. Nope. Feta cheese. Nada. Croutons. Not so much. Bacon bits... oddly enough, bacon bits are OK. Olives... kinda high in calories but at this point I was already so distraught over the cheese and croutons that I needed a few pick-me-up olives to stop me from stabbing myself with the salad fork. Then we get to the dressing. The fact that I had to select Lite Ranch didn't bother me, it was the fact that I could only use one ladle of it instead of smothering my salad in creamy goodness like I'm used to.
I had such high hopes going into this lunch and by the time it was all over, there I was eating rabbit food again. As it turns out my penchant for salads has not been kind to my waistline lo these many years. In fact last week at Taco Bell I almost made the mistake of ordering a salad before I realized I would have been better off ordering 15 tacos. Taco Bell's "healthy" salads? Roughly the same caloric intake as a whopper (and way less fun to eat).
Salad, you backstabbing bastard... why have you forsaken me?
Today I realized why this is not a good thing.
I started off with lettuce, which is standard operating procedure and very low cal. A few grape tomatoes and onions and we're off to a good start. This is where things went sideways quickly. I instinctively reach for the shredded cheese. Nope. Feta cheese. Nada. Croutons. Not so much. Bacon bits... oddly enough, bacon bits are OK. Olives... kinda high in calories but at this point I was already so distraught over the cheese and croutons that I needed a few pick-me-up olives to stop me from stabbing myself with the salad fork. Then we get to the dressing. The fact that I had to select Lite Ranch didn't bother me, it was the fact that I could only use one ladle of it instead of smothering my salad in creamy goodness like I'm used to.
I had such high hopes going into this lunch and by the time it was all over, there I was eating rabbit food again. As it turns out my penchant for salads has not been kind to my waistline lo these many years. In fact last week at Taco Bell I almost made the mistake of ordering a salad before I realized I would have been better off ordering 15 tacos. Taco Bell's "healthy" salads? Roughly the same caloric intake as a whopper (and way less fun to eat).
Salad, you backstabbing bastard... why have you forsaken me?
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