The horror... the horror.

Well gang, we're in the home stretch of the Greatest Challenge Ever.. my quest to lose at least some weight between Thanksgiving and January 2nd. Things were slow during the first few weeks, but on the day we left for NH I had gone from 200 pounds even to 196.5. That gave me a 3.5 pound cushion to play with during our 10 day stay here in the Great White North. No problem right? How could you possibly gain more then 4 pounds in 10 days.. right? RIGHT??

That's when it all started. Oh it began innocently enough. A Christmas Eve dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Not even a buffett, just a plain old restaurant. Several bowls of awesomeness later I knew I was in for a rough patch. That's when Christmas Day showed up and punched me in my special private place.

Before the orgy of present opening begin there were cinnamon rolls. Big, fluffy, delicious cinnamon rolls. But being the expert that I was, I stuck to just one of them because I knew what was coming. The next course was a good attempt at a healthy egg scramble. The scramble itself wasn't too bad, but it brought friends. Friends made out of cheese, and other freshly-baked friends with a soft crust. Individually those little bastards are easy enough to ignore, but when they all gang up on you like that... damn.

So it's safe to say that my caloric intake was nearing its limit for the day heading into dinner. Unfortunately what happened at dinner involved pasta and meatballs. I tried in vain to chase it all with a salad, but it was too late. Tastebuds 1... Diet 0.

So that's it right? The end of the craziness... back to the diet on the 26th. A noble thought my dear friends but it was not to be. The 26th, which will be forever be known in diet annals as The Day The Diet Died, turned into a 24 hour celebration of food insanity.
The first course... appitizers, meats, cheeses, shrimp, etc. Nothing too terrible, but when you eat a metric ton of anything, it's never a good start. The 2nd course was the world famous Rode Ravioli. An ancient recipe that's been destroying diets since the days of Kings of Queens. I tried to limit the damage wherever I could, but by this point I had pretty much thrown in the towel
When the ravioli was done, the beef wellington made an appearance. Amazingly there was room for 2 good sized pieces. Finally the savory foods were done and it was time to bring forth the desserts. Have you ever eaten maple syrup pie topped with bacon? I have and it's friggin awesome. Cheesecake topped with blueberries? Yes please. Pastries from an Italian New York bakery? Several. Random other cookies? Why the hell not! When it was all over, the caloric intake could only be calculated using NASA computers. I didn't even attempt to figure it out. It was bad and that was all I needed to know. Today I sit here realizing that the Greatest Challenge Ever is in serious jeopardy. I am both ashamed and filled with the greatest food ever so that's kind of a wash. The good news is, there are precious few leftovers and we still have 7 days left in the Challenge. Is it too late? Can the FatMan still turn this train around? We shall see. For now I'm going to put on 8 layers of clothes and run around in the now until my butt goes numb. It's not much, but it's a start.

Baby Steps

Well gang, we are two weeks past Thanksgiving! Two weeks into the Holiday Season, which means we're two weeks into the Greatest Challenge Ever. How are all of you doing? Anyone out there lost any weight? Stayed even at least? Not to brag or anything, but as of this morning I'm down 2 pounds since Turkey Day. A little off my normal pace, but at this time of year I think we all feel a bit like Bob here:

Yes Bob, baby steps indeed. Followed by lots of screaming and cursing. I forgot how hard it was to stay on any kind of diet in December. And temptation comes from the weirdest places. Take for instance my school's annual Fall Festival. My wife brings the kids so they can play a few games, win some cheap prizes and raise a few bucks for my school. My kids? They play the Cake Walk. (imagine musical chairs but when the music stops, they call a number. If you're standing on the number you win a baked good) My daughter? Wins a dozen cupcakes on her first attempt. Friggin' fabulous.

The good news? WalMart brand cupcakes with frosting are only 200 calories. They are also amazingly delicious if it's been a few months since you've eaten anything remotely bad for you. Not terrible, but not exactly conducive to weight loss.

This weekend we're attending the first of several Christmas parties. The food at these things is bad enough (from a caloric standpoint) but the real joy of these parties is the copious amounts of fermented beverages that one can procure. As it turns out... those little bastards are worse for you then cupcakes and fruitcake. So I get to go to parties but in addition to not being able to eat what I want... I'll have to do it sober.

Well fa la la la la, la kiss my ass.

Remember folks... baby steps.