FatMan Returns

Hello faithful readers... The Diet Knight has returned from a rather long hiatus, but trust me I had some really good reasons. For those of you who might be new to my story, here's a brief recap:

* Last summer I was fat... very very fat. Like 250 pounds fat. I was quite literally too fat to work out properly. I couldn't stay on a treadmill longer than ten minutes.

* I asked my doctor for help (like magic fat melting pills or a laser or something), the evil SOB instead recommended a 1500 calorie-a-day diet.

*MyFitnessPal came into my life. I was praying that it wouldn't work because dieting sucks and it's evil and it's a lot of hard work and dang it I just want some magic fat pills

*The diet worked... a lot.. like really well.

*By Thanksgiving I was down under 200 pounds which was awesome

*I somehow managed to keep the weight off through the holidays, the New Year and my birthday in February.

That's pretty much where we left off so now it's time to fill you in on what's been going on with my life since February.

I have had without a doubt one of the shittiest years in the history of years. Yup, that about sums everything up. That's the story. We're all done here. Nothing to see people. Move along.

What? You want more than that?

*sigh* fine

OK so starting in February my brain stopped working properly. At the time I had no idea what was going on. Things were just... weird... odd... different. I went through a battery of tests, scans, etc. and no solid answers were popping up. Finally a couple months ago I was given a diagnosis.

Bi-polar disorder.

Since then a lot of people close to me have told me to keep this news to myself. They think sharing this information with my friends is a bad idea. They bristle every time I say it out loud. Like my condition is some Voldemort-like dark wizard that will rain death and havoc upon anyone who hears the name.

I think that's plain stupid. My Disorder-That-Must-Not-Be-Named is not a thing to be afraid of, it's not contagious, and now that I'm on a proper dose of medication it has very little effect on my life. Having this disorder is no different than having diabetes, cancer or heart disease. Would you tell a cancer patient to keep quiet because of how people would view them? I didn't think so.

Now there are reasons behind why my condition surfaced this year, and those reasons I won't share. For now it's enough to know that my year has sucked and sucked hard. How much suckage was there? Well my summer was so bad I was the first teacher in history that actually couldn't wait for it to end. I skipped happily back to school and threw myself into my work unlike I ever had before. And those that know me, know that I have a psychological aversion to hard work, so that should tell you something.

So here's the amazing thing: Through all the doctors and the medication and the sleepless nights and the pain and the whirling tornado of crap I've had to put up with since February... I didn't gain any weight. Somehow I managed to stay right under 200 pounds through this entire ordeal, which is pretty amazing since one of the symptoms of bi-polar is making impulsive decisions. Like eating a large pizza for lunch, or putting a Chinese buffett out of business. THAT kind of impulsive. So the fact I didn't turn into the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is really freaking impressive.

But wait there's more! Over the summer I also became a "runner". I put that word in quotes because I don't do it particularly well, and it's certainly not one of the first 5 adjectives I'd use to describe myself. But once I lost the weight I started running. Then I started running a little more. Eventually I got it in my head that I could run a 5K. So I signed up... for three of them! And believe it or not, I've run (and completed) two of them so far. Yes, the man that last year was too fat to run, is now running 5K's. Like I said... it's been a weird crazy year.

Now I bet you're thinking that this is the end of the story, but you'd be wrong. After abandoning the diet that worked so well last year, I decided to start it up again when school started. The result? After 7 days of school I'm down another 6 pounds! I know, crazy right?

I feel like Andy Dufresne. I can almost hear Morgan Freeman's narration...

"Dave crawled to freedom through 5-hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness I can't even imagine. Or maybe I just don't want to. Dave Rode.. who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."

So does that mean this blog is coming to an end? Hell no! I'm starting this puppy back up again because I am nowhere near done. My whole story hasn't been written yet, and there's so much more to do.

Buckle up people... it's going to be one hell of a ride!