Hooray for Stress!

Cheer up fellow fat people! I have discovered a key that can unlock limitless fat burning potential for each and every one of you. It doesn't cost a thing, it's easy to find and there's an untold supply of it everywhere you look.

Are you ready?


You sure?


It's all of the stress, anger and other shit that the universe throws your way on a daily basis! See... like I said... there's always an unlimited supply and you generally don't have to look too hard to find it.

The problem for a lot of us fatties is that most of us fight stress head on. We arm ourselves with cheese pizza shields, ice cream machine guns, pepperoni nunchucks and alcohol bombs and we just try to bludgeon stress to death with it. And yeah sure you may win the battle, but you'll lose the war in the long run.

However, if you can make stress your friend instead of your enemy some amazing things can happen. Take today for instance. Before today I had never been able to stay on a treadmill longer than 35 minutes and had never gone further than 3.5 miles. Then this happened:

So... yay me. It's amazing what your body is capable of sometimes. And while I was running, blasting my Eminem Pandora radio I felt like this:

Of course I realize that I looked like this:

But hey, I don't go to the gym to look good. Which is a good thing... because I don't.... look good.

So stop fighting stress with alcohol and calories. Make stress your buddy, welcome him into your life... then use him to make the world your bitch.