This is a Public Service Announcement from the National Fat People Association: If you are carrying any food item that would be considered a dessert or anything that approaches the realm of "fast food", it is not considered wise to get anywhere near one of us "Fatties". This is especially true following a hard day at work, or a Friday after a long week, or any holiday. Screw it... how about just any day ending in a "y" OK?
If you come across a fattie on a diet then you must be extraordinarily careful not to get too close to them while holding the aforementioned tasty food item. Tempting or teasing the fattie with the food could result in loss of said food, and serious injury. Health risks include:
*being trampled by fatties en route to the food
*being stabbed with sporks in an attempt to snare the food from you
*being sat on by a fattie because you refuse to give them your food
*being beaten to death with a pizza box or similar container that holds tasty food
If you or someone you know is in possession of tasty food, run and hide before it's too late!
Seriously, my wife came home with half of a cold pizza last night after I had used up all my calories and it nearly brought me to tears. Today I took my son to Publix so he could pick out a treat. He grabbed a maple-glazed doughnut which as everyone knows is only the greatest thing in the history of the world. I kept meandering around the store like an orphaned puppy looking for anything that would match the awesomeness of that doughnut yet still be low in calories. I came up very empty.
On a positive note I have now made it through the 220's and sit at 220 pounds even as of this morning. Yes I've now lost over 20 pounds since starting this crapstick diet. Whoop-dee frickin' do... now give me a cheesecake and get out of my way.
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