The FatMan Cometh?

Before we dispense with the hilarity I'd like to give a shout out to any fellow MyFitnessPal peeps who are now reading my blog! As always my goal is for many people to share my pain across a variety of platforms.

Now maybe it's the lack of real food that occasionally makes me delusional, but every so often I go off on a tangent that starts insane and ends up with me thinking I'm on to the next big idea. One of those tangents just happened, but I'll leave it up to you guys to decide if I'm nuts or brilliant.

Something (I won't mention what) reminded me just recently of a company in Orlando that used to sell chocolate body paint. My wife and I often discussed purchasing it, but never did. It made me realize that chocolate body paint is really something for young people, or at the very least... skinny people. Now that I'm squarely in the middle of my 30's and still a good 40 pounds away from being "not fat" I'm really no longer in the market for such things. What I am in the market for however is perhaps a Skinny Cow version. Maybe a 50 calorie, mocha swirl body paint that I could... ahem... use... and still feel good about myself in the morning. I'm not sure how much food you use in the bedroom, but if it gets out of hand you could wind up in a diabetic coma before rounding second base.

Well this of course got me to thinking a little more about the topic. Maybe I could produce a line of low-cal, dietary aids to assist in bedroom maneuvers (I'm desperately trying to keep this PG by the way). If this became a hit I could even expand beyond food. For instance, we all keep hearing how sex is this epic cardio workout. Well what if someone devised a... um... well... kinda like a pedometer but instead of measuring how many steps you take, it could measure how many... well you get the basic idea. We would just need to calculate a "calorie per thrust" formula and we'd be making real progress here.

And think of the applications! You would go to MyFitnessPal to chart your exercise and type in "sex". The app would then ask for how long you performed this activity. You would type in 15 minutes and MyFitnessPal could just slowly and sarcastically respond "Really? Reeeeaaaallly?"

The possibilities really are endless. I have tons more ideas but they involve discussions I probably shouldn't have in a public blog. I'll leave it up to you good people to let your mind wander. In the meantime I'll be trying to survive this Labor Day weekend without consuming the big juicy burger that's been in my dreams this week.