Sunday, August 5, 2012

Falling off the wagon

You know what I did today? I ate onion rings. Not a plateful like I used to, just a few... and they were freakin' delicious! It was like taking a bite of a rainbow that was deep fried in pixie farts, painstakingly hand crafted by magical elves who sprinkled it with angel dust, and delivered it to my mouth while riding Apollo's golden f-ing chariot. These were good onion rings people.

For the main course I ordered a salad. OK just kidding, I ordered the Santa Fe salad. Calling this thing a salad is like calling Twilight a piece of literature. Yes technically it is a "book" by the most standard of definitions. It is filled with pages and those pages have words on them, but after that the similarities end.

The "salad" I ordered did contain pieces of lettuce (standard operating procedure), and other fine veggies (off to a good start!). On top of said veggies there was even grilled chicken breast. (Zounds! This must be the healthiest thing ever!) Then we get to the cheese (not bad), and the dressing (hey, we need some flavor right?) and the sour cream on the side (wait, what?), and the fact that this whole thing came delivered in one of those yummy torilla-bowl-shaped-thingys. (oh shit!) Total calorie count: 1024

Considering I'm limited to 1500 of those things a day, using over two-thirds of them on one damn meal is a bit of a problem. Add the onion rings and today was not the best day diet-wise. However I did spend 6 hours outside in the face-melting Florida sun building a patio so I'm going to say that I earned my little trip down Crap Food Memory Lane.

And good news! We are no where near being done building this patio so I'll have plenty more hours to spend outside, pounding individual bricks into place while I sweat like a whore in church and my dangly man-parts adhere themselves to my leg like velcro. Joy!

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